Wednesday, May 8, 2019

You gonna eat that?

It’s a long standing joke among friends that Banner’s glossy coat and robust constitution are due to his proprietary blend of diet supplements. 

The ever-changing formula includes - in no particular order - grass, dirt, leaves, flower petals, worms, bugs, mice, ground squirrels, birds, any dead thing he can find and choice organic livestock by-products (we live on a farm, you can figure out that last one for yourself).

Banner and I frequently have the following conversation:

Me: Eat this bowl of scientifically formulated, feeding-trial proven, well-balanced, nutritious dog food made with wholesome ingredients.

Banner: Imma eat this mummified mouse. 'S cromchy.

Me: Eat this dog treat from a hermetically sealed bag I bought at the store.

Banner: Imma eat this dead worm baking in the sun on the sidewalk. ‘S extra cromchy.

Me: Eat this dog cookie I made with my own hands from fresh ingredients.

Banner: Imma eat some dirt. Oh look, it gots bugs in it!

Story of my life in pictures

 Me: Eat this bit of tasty leftover steak from my dinner at a restaurant.

Banner: Ooh! This looks four days dead! Imma eat it. Imma roll in it first.

Me: Eat this lovely miracle powder guaranteed to clean your teeth, improve brain function, muscle recovery and coat condition.

Banner: I found this under a rock. Dunno what it is. Smells funky. Imma eat it.

And so it goes.

Inspired by internet videos of dogs sampling various foods, I decided to get Banner’s commentary on a variety of things he wants to eat just because I’m eating them. Sorry. I don’t have the time or the skill to create a video. Use your imagination.

Me: Marshmallow

Banner: What nutfluffery is dis? All squish, then sticky goober.

Me: Circus peanut

Banner: Sugar nibbles. Stickin’ to my toofers. I needs dentist.

Me: Tortellini

Banner: Tasty li’l noodle doodle.

Me: Celery

Banner: Cromchy booger stick. Waste o’ cromch.

Me: Apples

Banner: Sweetie yums. More dis. Less booger sticks.

Me: Pizza crust

Banner: Bread bones! Mebbe you leaves meat on next time?

Me: Hot dog slice

Banner: Slimy salted meat nugget.

Me: Gravy on a plate

Banner: Gotta chase it wif my tongue. Now gots it on my furz. Tasty mess.

Me: Popcorn

Banner: Srsly? You has whole bowl and I gets one piece? You not funny.

Me: string cheese

Banner: The food of my peoplz. Cut bigger piece next time. Is there shortage?

Me: spaghetti noodle on a plate

Banner: Sticky worm, chasin’ it around with my snoot. More works than it’s worth.

Me: Salt and vinegar potato chip

Banner: Tastes like cat butt.  You likes dis? You weird.

Me: Chuck roast

Banner: Mmmmms. Roastie beastie! Why you waste my time with booger stick when you gots dis?

Me: Bacon

Banner: I gets religion. Needs a moment.

Me: Diet Coke

Banner: Pppfft! Fizzy poppers on my tongue.

Me: Coffee (cool)

Banner:  Yacks. Why you get so excited about dis in morning?

Me: cherry tomato

Banner: Squirty marble. Bit o’ a surprise.

Me: deli thin turkey

Banner: Meat-flavored Kleenex. Why you cut so thin? Rather have roastie beastie.


  1. I read this post a while back but couldn’t comment. I laughed til I cried, cuz um, yah, Loki, middle of the can imagine. He will be the death of me, at least I tell him that. A little Italian guilt never hurt a cracker before...

  2. The extrusion process uses molds or dies to kind shapes into the Direct CNC sheet steel. Turret punches used through the extrusion process can improve product manufacturability by lowering the need for fastener hardware. During the folding process, sheet steel is bent to certain angles using tools similar to a brake press. A brake press can easily fold panels and quantity of} shapes on a piece of sheet steel. Here’s a breakdown of metals generally utilized in sheet steel fabrication. We are a Local family-owned Commercial Metals company that prides ourselves in providing professional steel fabrication services to our shoppers nationwide.